If you could look into the future...
Like a gift from the gods...
Knowing an end before the beginning...
Would you be prepared for the end?

I know I am.

The Wiesmann GT

I just came...

Is there really a macro film of a fly walking on Yoko Ono's naked body? Thought it'd be a really cool piece of art... Then again. To capture a fly walkin on her body... Would probably require a lot of stink to keep the fly there...

The new divide...

I've always been known to cross lines...

Life is about the decisions that we make. Wake up in the morning, you can either choose to put on the mask of Tragedy, or Comedy. I've always opted for the latter, but there are days when I find myself awake with Tragedy stuck onto my facade and there is nothing I can do about it, but to slowly pry it away with Comedy. Inspirations and experience maketh decisions. I for one, admit the lack of experience so I depend on my inspirations to propel me forward.

The path set before me has always been forked. Just as Frost craftily weaved the words into his poem... One I could never forget. And of course, me, being me, have always chosen the road less travelled. Even if it meant crossing lines, and being brought to points of no return. I tuck my guts in my backpack, next to my set of balls, take a deep breath, and step into the wilderness.

The thing is, no one ever mentioned anything about the dead end.

So at the end of one wild, winding path, I come to a complete stop. I could be totally lost, but ever the optimistic one, I tell myself that I'm at a dead end of the forked road I took, and making my own path is the only way from here onwards. Turning back? It's too late now. The undergrowth has sealed the path back. The eerie glow in the sky tells me that there is some kind of light source up ahead. How far, I do not know. I don't know if I'll even make it there or if I'm on the right track. But what I do know, is now.

And now, I have to decide between the road less travelled or the road less travelled...

Twirl...

Twirling spaghetti strands around the fork is an art I am still trying to master...

Losin' it...

I'm losin' it...

Struggling to get back on track...

Major doses of self control needed...

Locale travel...

Though it obviously can't be compared to international travel, the experience is somewhat, still rather foreign for me. Perhaps I need more exposure to our local culture.. I frequent Perak and fell in love with one of their local kick-ass drink. The effects of Toddy (Indian coconut liquor) are quite subtle, and the high comes gradually. Some may not like the fermented smell, but it's usually masked with a bit of good ol' Guiness Stout. I get knocked down pretty easily with this drink and it helps with sleep throughout the long drive back. Of course, I'm not the one driving.

Toddy, Devil's milk...

Then there was the Sibu trip. Never knew how cool the Pasar Malam's there were (heard from Bel that it rocked) until I checked them out. It's a mixture of all sorts of fantastic local foods. Was brought to try out Sibu's famous Kompia (meat bun) and Kampua noodles by a friend and I was hooked. Thing is, Sibu is just a freakin 6-hour drive away from Miri and yet they've got their own special thing goin on there.

The old man called it Yu Chong Gao...

Porcine reminds me of Texas back in Miri...

Fuckin delish local yummies...

word.

Melting...

"I like vanilla... but chocolate chip has always been my favourite..."
"You can only choose one..."
"Can't I have both?"
"Nope."
"Please?"
"No. Cavities would ruin your beautiful smile darling..."
"I can't decide..."

"You have to... They're melting."

Nothing at all...

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million same

Difficult not to feel a little bit
Disappointed and passed over
When I look right through,
See you naked but oblivious

And you don't see me
But I threw you the obvious
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see, see through it all
See through, see you

'Cause I threw you the obvious
To see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy

Oh well, oh well
Apparently nothing,
Apparently nothing at all
You don't see me

You don't see me at all...

Immortality...

I imagine that I'm a lonely, lonely red blood cell lost somewhere in the extremities of the vast and complex system of blood vessels and capillaries. I'm bumbling around, caught up in the great grand pulsing bursts shuddering out from the heart of the city. I'm floating, lonely and isolated in the empty expanse of plasma.

(Jaron, ZMF)

And yes, I'm still reading Zen Motherfuckers. Taking my time, taking it in. Jaron did a good job of bringing me into his world and into his shoes. Wait... I am in that world. Just not in his shoes. I guess it's cos I could relate to the things he wrote about. I remember watching this TV show Sync or Swim hosted by the ex-MTV VJ Jamie years ago. Basically he was sent to a certain location in the world (usually rich in culture) and is forced to learn a specific part of the culture. A dance, a song, a language. In two weeks, he has to perfect whatever he was learning or... he swims. Thought the show was really cool and it kinda relates to how life has thrown me a heap of heebie jeebies and inspires me to stay with the flow and be in sync with the surroundings.

Like a chameleon.

The present life of man, O king, compared with that space of time beyond, of which we have no certainty, reminds me of one of your winter feasts, where you sit with your generals and ministers. The hearth blazes in the middle and a grateful heat is spread around, while storms of rain and snow are raging without. Driven by the chilling tempest, a little sparrow enters at one door and flies delighted around us till it departs through the other. Whilst it stays in our mansion it feels not the winter storm ; but when this short moment of happiness has been enjoyed, it is forced again into the same dreary tempest from which it had escaped, and we behold it no more. Such is the life of man, and we are as ignorant of the state which preceded our present existence as of that which will follow it. Things being so I feel that if this new faith can give us more certainty, it deserves to be received...

(Emerson, Immortality)

I believe in deciding my own path and I believe in greatness and in immortality. I believe in a lot of things but what's important... I believe in me. What happens in the end is solely dictated by the choices and decisions I make, which of course makes me fully responsible for whatever outcome that results from it.

I make me. I break me.

My personal mantra that I've kept faithful to all these times and the thing that keeps me going. Since we only get to live once, I, want to live forever. Whether there's a heaven or hell, I'll worry about that when I pass. For now, I will be the Wanderer. Learning everything and absorbing bit by bit, the vast energy emitted by Gaia. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me, for there is no end to this tunnel I am in. But I'm not complaining... Life has been good to me...

Dinesh. Hangout buddy that moved here from Miri.

Sis came back from Japan for a month of vacation.

Then of course, the parents came too... Dad discovered the joys of shisha...

Sis and mom...

The new toy... Spending most of my evenings with her...

word.

Shadow: The return...

Apophis... a.k.a Shadow.
The return...

What happened..

word.

The Mythic Clit...

If you're living for the moment, you tend to forget that the past and the future even exist – you're livingfor the moment; the moment is all there is; life is a haphazard mixture of pain and pleasure; life shouldbe dedicated to furthering your pleasure in this moment; hedonism is the way to go.

This is the state I'm after...

Quoted from a book my pal, Jaron, wrote (or is writing), Zen Motherfuckers. No idea when the real thing would be out but yeah, this bit caught my inner eye. It's a very interesting read about the 'desperate search for the mythic clit' among other things. The way it is written. It emits a relaxed and sombre mood...

The problem with self awareness is that you lose the desire to do anything that's not consistent withwho and what you are. There's a small amount of vision that you get from being even marginally selfaware, and it's ultimately a very easy thing to dismiss an idea for being not you. It's much more difficultto embrace something without knowing if it's you or not.

Really smart words from a book that would be otherwise labelled vulgarly dumb by critiques. I'm no book critique, nor do I know how to judge books. But this, is refreshing. Very refreshing. I have a feeling I'm gonna enjoy this book, bro!